Letters to Aunt Agony
by Aine
Summary: shounen ai, silliness... ^_^


  
  
Er.. just two short letters from Dai-chan and Hiwatari-kun to Aunt Agony. With replies. ^_^ Because I felt that they needed it.   
  
There are probably spoilers up to book 4, because that's where I was up to when I finished this and the reference to the guy who turns into a large black dark animal is from Yami no Matsuei. He's called Terazuma, I think- I read the manga in Chinese.  
  
Comments and criticism are both very welcome..   
  
  
  
Letters to Aunt Agony  
  
By Aine  
  
=============  
Daisuke Niwa  
=============  
  
Dear Aunt Agony,  
  
I have a problem, and I was hoping that you could help me solve it. You see, I am actually two people, not one person. I am supposed to be a normal high school student. Despite the fact that my family is a clan of thieves, and that I am highly trained in the skills of a thief, I was normal, really.  
  
But ever since I turned fourteen, I can't even think about the girl I like without turning into some other person. You may have heard of him- he's the famous thief, Dark.  
  
It probably wouldn't have been so bad, but then it turned out that the girl I like is in love with Dark, and not me! Whereas Dark likes her sister, who thinks that he's a pervert and a voyeur, but appears to like me a lot.  
  
I'm really confused. It's gotten to the point that I change very often, at very inconvenient times. My poor companion almost drowned once, trying to help me keep secret my identity.  
  
Add to that the fact that one of my classmates seems to have discovered that I am actually Dark. His name is Satoshi, and while I do like him a lot, he scares me sometimes. He likes to stare at me in class, and pin me down on the floor, against walls.. once he almost kissed me! (Well, what he thought was me, anyway.)  
  
It's all gotten very confusing for me. Can you help?  
  
Yours sincerely,  
  
Daisuke Niwa  
  
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The reply:  
===========  
  
Dear Daisuke,  
  
Of course I can help. After all, that's my job, right? ^_^  
  
Don't worry about your identity crisis. After all, millions of fangirls already know who you ar- er, I meant that there are many people with identity crises too. Turning into a lucious dark hunky cute bishounen isn't bad- trust me, I've seen worse. You could be turning into big black dark animals whenever you touch a girl.  
  
It seems to me, though, that you suffer from not being able to make up your mind about your romantic issues. Well, take my advice. When in doubt, choose the most attractive option! Since both of the sisters only like selected sides of you, choose the person who obviously likes /all/ sides of you. ^_^  
  
In other words, I'm telling you to forget about the girls and go chase Satoshi. He's obviously the only right one for you.  
  
Remember! Being pinned to walls or floors by stunning seductive mysterious blue-hair bishounen is fun. Pinning /them/ to walls is just as fun. But best of all is what usually happens after.  
  
Wishing you the best of luck in all your romantic endeavors,  
  
Aunt Agony.  
  
  
=================  
Satoshi Hiwatari  
=================  
  
To "Aunt Agony"  
  
I am fourteen, a high school student, and a police officer. On occasion I turn into a sadistic blond person with wings and an unholy obsession with handcuffs.  
  
My problem is that I have developed an emotional attachment with the thief that I am supposed to catch. Only that thief happens to be two people, not one. I am not allowed to hurt the cute, clueless one, while the sexy hunky one only likes me when I'm in drag. He also doesn't like playing with handcuffs.  
  
I require a reply as soon as possible.  
  
Yours,  
  
Satoshi Hiwatari  
  
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The reply:  
===========  
  
Dear Satoshi,  
  
It would appear that you have a problem with a repressed nature that has led to a personality disorder. When a person denies something that he desires, his inner self often breaks out in unusual ways. My diagnosis and solution can be summarised very simply: you need to get laid.  
  
You already have a very obvious choice of partner(s), like that thief person you talk about.  
  
Cute is fun- what are you complaining about? While clueless is something that can be very easily taken care of. Just show him and practice until he gets the point!  
  
As for the "sexy hunky one", I believe a compromise of sorts is in order. Since he likes you in drag, show him how you love him by the way you dress! Remember, there's only one type of clothing that is universally accepted by both sexes- the birthday suit! I'm sure he'll like yours.  
  
If he has a fear of handcuffs, it suggests that he has a deep rooted fear of authority (show him who's boss!) You could also try to be more creative in your use of toys. In time, he will come to accept them if you can show him how fun they can be.  
  
Wishing you the best of luck in all your romantic endeavors,  
  
Aunt Agony.  
  
  
  
  



End file.
